Sunday, September 23, 2007

And what was your name, again?

It is definitely getting harder to post. The ages 2,3, and 4 are tough, man. I have been working on getting a schedule set, since we are finally starting to gel a little better. The dynamic has changed some, but we are really starting to feel "real" and more natural. Looking back, I would wake up in the morning and think about this new child from Ethiopia that was going to wake up soon, and how that would change our day. What would we do, or learn, or what were we going to be up against, that day. Now, I wake up and think, do I have time to get in the shower before someone else wakes up or what can I get done real quick, or who has to bring the snack to school today? You know, "normal" day to day thoughts. I think of my kids collectively, not the boys and my new daughter. Now it's, "the kids". I absolutely love it.

But it does take it's toll. I think my husband and I need a date night soon. Because we have really just been roommates for the past 2 months and that does not a happy marriage make! The good thing is, we are both completely aware of that, and knew going into it, that there would be some times like that. We talked the other day about how we are going into that area of marriage where a lot fall apart, or grow away from each other, and how aware of that we need to be. We have to tell the kids that Mom and Dad are talking and need to be left alone for a bit, or we have to go out without them(on those rare occasions). How else can we teach the kids what marriage should be like?

How do you families out there with several kids do it? And still maintain contact with your spouse even when you really just want to sleep or sit in the bathroom with the door locked for 15 minutes?


Keva said...

Thank you for your candor. My husband and I will soon have two children (we have a four yr old now and are adopting from Ethiopia) and there are times have flashes of how hard it will be, but still I can't wait. It is amazing how much I watch mother's with more than one child now, and think how do you do that? Wish I had some word's of wisdom.

emily said...

Good post, here is my stab at it:

First, let me say that by God's grace and God's grace alone do any of us parent well and stay married to the one that God blessed us with as a spouse:) As a homeschooling mom of 4 about to be 6 (wow, still amazes me) I think back on our married life and clearly see seasons. Our 4 kids are 5 years apart (no twins) so we had some very crazy days for awhile. So we had the 3 kids under 3 stage, the 4 kids under 5 stage, the starting activities with the oldest stage and now the all 4 kids are in activities stage. The kids can do most things for themself now so it is much more mental than physical. They can all pour a bowl of cereal, shower or bath, get dressed ect. but they can also all argue their point to death:)

I think the key to keeping any marriage work- is just that-- WORK! We have been married for over 13 years and the reality is that I don't get butterflies everytime he walks in the room anymore- sorry to burst any newlyweds bubbles--but it is ok. (I still think he is pretty hot) I have such a deeper, more mature love for my husband now. I don't expect butterflies! They still come, but my point is that it is healthy to realize that the feelings definitely change over time:)

You have to work at this thing though-- we carve out time together. We sit on the couch after the kids go down with a glass of wine and talk about our days (not everyday b/c I have some good shows on Tivo) or we will watch those shows together. We definitely try to get out alone, but it is hard as the kids get older and we have activities that dictate our schedule. I agree that it is very important to know that this relationship is FIRST. I heard once that the greatest gift you can give your kids (apart from the knowledge of Christ) is for a child to see his/her daddy actively love their mom. My husband does that so well. He is always telling the kids how much he loves me, thinks I'm beautiful, etc..... we are affectionate, but somedays the last thing that I want is to be touched. It was much worse when the kids were younger and hanging on me all day! (you did ask for honest answers right?)

My encouragement (sorry this post has gotten so long) is to hang in there and cling to Jesus. Spend time with Him and praise Him for the seasons of life! We get so sad sometimes because those early years with kids seem SO far away.

We anxiously await this next season that the Lord has called us to!!

Then there is always the lock on the bathroom door:)

Anonymous said...

Hi Rachel,
Yep, know what you're talking about. On the blog thing, I am thinking that next week will be my last blog entry .. we have Kali's court date on the 3rd for US adoption, and after that, well I just don't know what to say anymore and I don't think people really care anymore anyway, now that we're home and settled in.
As to your other thoughts, it is very hard, I know. My luck is that both kids are somewhat self sufficient, but Kali still wants to be in the same room as one of her parents, so she follows one of us everywhere. My mom had 3 of us in 20 months (no twins) ... beat that! Not sure how she did it either. I think that as long as you are both aware and are willing to take steps to have alone time, it will all work. The hard part is making that time, but if you have a good babysitter you can trust, CALL HER!! A nice weekend away works too.
And I'll let you know the final $ on the US adoption. I forgot about court costs, which we will have to fork over next week (no idea what they are at this point).